Author Archives: Mandy Greenfield

(And not be a total tool) I recently joined a few connoisseur groups, following the parks on social media I frequent often. I found that these people, my people, understood my somewhat odd fascination with theme parking in general and subsequently, do not judge me for it; unlike the rest of the regular Facebook, non-Continue reading “How to Theme-Park”

I recently turned on a movie, where in the hot Hollywood Dad was telling a story to his equally gorgeous Hollywood plucky offspring, about how he met her mother and subsequently, how they fell in love and made such a perfect child. Sounds a little dumb and I would agree with you normally, but IContinue reading “Hollywood vs. Me”

  I have turned into one of those parents, that when I see any baby related post on social media, I feel the need to comment. “Try Mylicone drops!” Or, “A little dirt never hurt!” And my favorite, “You will miss this one day!” Now, I never wanted to be one of them, haven beenContinue reading “Things No One Tells You When Your Kids Grow Up”

I love Facebook. I’m on that shit all the time. I mean, like, a lot. I should probably see someone about it, like, a Facebook therapist. I’m ridiculous and I know it. After all, it’s Facebook where I get to see shit like this: C’mon. That’s awesome. But truth is, it keeps me sane. It’sContinue reading “You’re Going to Miss This! (I know. So shut up already. This is hard!)”

Hallo! So I have had some folks send me emails asking for sarcastic advice per my personality issues. Keep in mind, this advice is purely sarcastic. I cannot give real advice for the following reasons: I is not qualified. Really and for realsies. Closest thing I am to a therapist is a bartender. A drunk one.Continue reading “Dear Mandy….Vol. 1”

Dear Summer, Hello. How have you been? How is camp? Have you gotten to swim or take a vacation? I haven’t lately.  Wanna know why? Because you seem to think that summer = it’s okay to fry mo’effers to deaf. Shit. Are you mad at me or something? I don’t mean to sound, like, girlfriendyContinue reading “Dear Summer”

I almost told my home and school association to fu** off this week.  Hey, I give these people a TON of credit. They are there at every event, pushing forward to try and make elementary school a better place for all students. They are tireless moms, wayyy better humans than me, some even working fullContinue reading “Dear, end-of-the-year-school-mom, I got you.”

Holidays are shit. And at the risk of sounding like a grumpy old man, GET OFF MY LAWN! Here are my issues with the jolly effin’ holidays, in no particular order. You have too many blow up decorations. No one cares that it’s snowing inside the bubble with the fake snowman family in it. YouContinue reading “This is Crap! (Holiday Edition)”

There is such a thing as too much. Yes. Yes, there is. What are you talking about Mandy? Well, gee, two visitors, let me tell you. Parenting is a marathon. A hard one. The longest one you will ever do. (And, for the record, I don’t run them, because, well, I enjoy food). We allContinue reading “The Parenting Marathon–Stop Raising A@#holes”

Ah. Marriage. It’s not just for  Melanie Griffith and Anton….er. Jessica Simpson and Nick Lac….gah. Celine Dion and Rene Ange….Oh. Wait. He’s dead. He died. My bad Celine baby. You rock widower in Vegas, there, girlfriend.     You get so many damn questions about being married when people think your good at it. ThoseContinue reading ““Your Boobs Smell Like Doritos”–Moments in Marriage”